(Stopped at Trader Joes on the way home and bought these and thought it was funny because we have to use my eggs and do the transfer by 9/14 :)
So much happened but most of was emotionally- finally a breakthrough!
I have been working really hard on my stress an anxiety, doing okay but still not where I want to be.
Went to the appointment today nervous. If there is one thing an infertile can count on, it's that you can't count on your body (to do what you need). I had visions of being told my cysts were worse or my ovaries were having a party trying to ovulate. I didn't trust in the birth control mainly since I feel so hormonal and feel ovary pain and cramps.
Well I guess I don't fully hate BCP because they are doing what they are supposed to! *happy dance* No cysts and everything looks great! He did my Antral follicle count and it was 24 this time! eek! Which makes me feel that much more comfortable with the antagonist protocol!
Speaking of... So when Dr. H originally called and told me my protocol, I had no idea what antagonist protocol was or why he would use it. After researching, I found that it seemed like the best bet for me with my high response to oral stim drugs and my PCOS, but is that why Dr. H ordered it? I thought so, but I remembered when I got that one bad FSH I asked about estrogen priming protocol to combat that. However later I got my FSH redone and it was normal so that was supposed to be thrown out the window. I should have just asked the WHY weeks ago but I kept waiting and had NO IDEA how much it was eating at me until today. My mind has been racing wondering if he was going off old information... Wondering if he didn't remember my history or I was just a number. I worried maybe he didn't know what he was doing and maybe this whole thing was a bad idea. <--- Yes I did go there. I have anxiety disorder and it feeds off itself. I had no idea though how much this one question was bothering me though! Or obviously I would have asked weeks ago! LOL!
So anyway, I asked him why he chose the protocol and he proceeded to explain about how he expects me to have a high response and is looking to avoid OHSS :) And then I asked why we were using an HCG trigger and he said that we actually don't know yet what we will be using. If my ovaries go crazy nuts and I have 8 millions follicles and a high chance of OHSS, we will trigger with Lupron.
Have I mentioned I love this man? Seriously I really like him and he has a way about him. He is very charismatic but also knowledgeable. I need someone I feel knows more than me to lead me... And honestly I normally know more than doctors or just as much and that's not very reassuring. I feel like Dr. H knows his stuff and loves his job. I feel like he listens and I feel like I should trust him. I feel like he could teach me and will let me in on as little or as much information as I want or need.
His assistant on the other hand... She is SO SO nice. But I don't have confidence in her knowledge. Dh put it best- She seems to know her job, but you ask beyond that and she seems to answer things oddly and has a hard time understanding. She reminds me of my mother which is not a good thing as I care for my mother. It's frustrating but again, she is SO sweet. And honestly I can always call Dr. H if I need to. It was my bad for not doing sooner!
So after the appointment I found that excitement I lost a while ago! I am getting excited and not so terrified any longer! YAY!!! I am just riding this wave and encouraging it! SO HAPPY to be back here where I was when I made the final choice to do this!
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