Confession time!

I posted this on JM and thought I should come clean and post here too...

So the calorie count thing- I have always done WW and lost my weight that way. When I got to maintenance I did my own thing and exercise was enough. When I wanted to lose weight (like for my wedding last year) I would rejoin WW and lose a bit and then stop again.
Well this last year has sucked. Medications and hormones, m/c and flu I put on 10-15 pounds. I exercise lightly during the 2ww so that doesn't help either and the let down of 2 years of ttc gets one super depressed and diet is not something I care about in those times.
ANYWAY, I tried going back to WW. I love my leader (still the same from 7 years ago) and thought I could do it again. I lost a little but then gained it back and never managed to get the scale to budge. I was freaking out thinking PCOS or the BCP I am on finally caught up to me!
So one night while searching IVF blogs (because this is all I do lately), I went to a recommended IVF blog who has since had her kids and is blogging about nutrisystem. I was desperate and now that I am vegetarian and no longer vegan I ordered.
So I started logging when I got the program- it logs your food but also the calories. I starting substituting my own foods right away and tracking my calories which has turned me onto tracking calories for the first time ever. I was NEVER interested... seemed too hard and daunting. But it's been fun actually. Problem is that I can't find how many calories the program wants me to eat So i was guessing and thinking I am aiming way too low- according to MFP I was about 200-400 cal too low. I have lost 9 pounds. I had some water weight from surgery last Friday but that is still far too much.

So thats where this all started. I somewhat embarrassed to be doing nutrisystem because I feel like I am cheating or something... But actually more embarrassed because I should be eating clean while waiting for IVF and prepackaged foods is not that But OTOH I feel like my BMI climbing isn't good either. And I have been supplementing more and more 'real' food so I am only eating 1 meal of nutrisystem a day so it isn't too horrible I think. I eat a salad daily (always have) and breakfast is my vegan protein powder. Also trying to eat more fruits and veggies.

I dunno why i needed to share... Felt like I was living a lie

3 weeks pregnant... Well if i am pregnant

I am trying to be hopeful LOL! And actually thats pretty good for me. Lately I just have been a debbie downer. 2ww are as emotional as BFN because i am already convinced it didn't work and I am already angry.
This time around I am not so negative tho. When I look at the stats it doesn't look great but I am still remaining optimistic for the most part.
But the last week has gone by s o o o o o o o o o    s l o o o o o o o w l y. ARG! Punishment for the first 2 flying by? LOL!
I am hoping I will know in a few days. That way at the very least I am exercise hard and workout some of these frustrations!

Meanwhile, Target had a sale so this junkie now has
14 FRER
1 left over FR digital and 1 CB digital


The 3 packs were 12.99 and then take a dollar off coupon on each of the boxes. If you buy 2 you get a $5 gift card. So of course this meant I had to buy 4 packs and I already had some at home. Luckily DH didn't even flinch. He is used to my madness I guess.

Thinking I have enough to check for trigger tomorrow... I am so weak *rolleyes* 

Started Weight Watchers last week. Weird time to start it in my cycle but probably the best in hindsight. I need these 10 pounds off. It suck tho, I am used to being able to be not as strict with my food because I exercise so much. But in the TWW I am so paranoid I don't exercise as hard/often so the weight isn't melting off as quickly! I have to be so much more careful! bleh!
But I am losing. I know I have lost at least 2 pounds and I am happy with that even if some of it is water :D