I had a realization this morning while lying in bed... I had written I have lost my passion for this but really it's hope I have lost.
So month after month I have held onto hope. After all the IUIs and even the miscarriages I had hope. After the IVF failed, devastated but I still had hope for the FET. But after this last FET? Hope is what's missing. I no longer feel hopeful. I always knew in the end everything would work out and be fine. But now? Now I am scared shitless it won't. If the best of the best embryos didn't make it, why the hell would the others?? Or what if there is something really wrong with me? And what the fuck is wrong with me??? PCOS isn't enough to explain all this... My life battling infertility each time I want to conceive, yet no real answers. So what if my body is just finally done?
So the real issue/problem/solution... HOW do you get hope back???
For myself, finding hope when I've felt that there is none left, is a hard task. Hard, but not impossible. It takes a lot of soul searching. A lot of getting back to the core of you. Then going over why your goal is so important to you.
ReplyDelete