100th post

I can't count how many blogs I have started and stopped. I have good intentions but lack follow through. I doubt I am alone in this ;) But this blog was never meant to make it to 100 posts. It was supposed to have switched to a pregnancy blog many posts ago. But that never happened :( And so it's another milestone I never thought I'd hit- like a second FET. You never think you would be the one that IVF isn't working for. I can't believe we are going on our third transfer... I am just still in shock and grieving I think.
I am trying to hard to pump myself up for this next transfer next month but it's hard. I have no passion for this left. But my urge to be pregnant is at the highest point. I want it SOOOOO badly. I just can't seem to get my mojo back or positive attitude. I feel like I have picked myself up off the floor so many times I am just too tired to get up again. If I knew this was the last time I had to scrape myself off the floor and get all happy and stupid, I would do it. But what if this one doesn't work? And yaya I know I am supposed to stay positive, but really? At this point not many could hold onto positivity.

It's not all cloud and rain right now... I have got myself setup for accupuncture to start up again and I have a referal for a chiropractor. I also started doing massages again. So I have started faking it so thats a step. Also DH is juicing and has been making me juice every night... <3 I don't do much green in mine but it's better than the refined sugar I like to eat :D Carrot, Apple and Lemon with a handful of spinach!

I am on CD3 and started BCP yesterday. I did not dread it because my body was jacked this last cycle. CRAMPS for weeks, hormonal and just PMSing for weeks. It was the longest natural cycle I have had in years. I am glad I took that time though. i think all these meds put a toll on our bodies. I ave been on shots and pills daily pretty much since last july!