Should this be the WTF post?

I have read that most people have WTF went wrong appointments after a failed IVF. So I guess this would be a WTF post, but not really. I am actually at peace with it. I don;t really wonder like I thought I would. I think mostly because I wasn't feeling as positive after the ER. I hate to sound wimpy but it kicked my ass. I never thought I would be sore for so long and I felt like it screwed my mojo up majorly. And then the being thrown for a loop with transferring one didn't help me mentally. I felt just off. I don't think in anyway I jinxed the cycle ;) In fact after watching the transfer and such, I felt like it would stick if it was meant to stick. And thought it would work! But as days went by NOTHING was happening! I wasn't feeling symptoms of pregnancy. I have been pregnant many times and even my super early m/c I could tell. I just wasn't feeling anything! So I mourned for days before even 14dpo. I am happy I tested early because getting slammed all on one days would have crushed me. Not that I wasn't crushed, but it was over a period of a few days. I also didn't want our IVF coordinator to be the one to tell me.
So I never did have my WTF appointment. I think because I weaseled my way into the next FET cycle. They wanted me to do the Dec cycle and I thought that's what they would say. I was dead set against doing it during Dec and finding out during Christmas? NO THANKS. So after a bit they agreed thankfully!
I did however speak with my Dr. and he agreed we will be transferring 2 frosties :)
So this we will be transferring the two 5AA from group 1!  I can;t believe I have 2 beautiful ones to transfer! Honestly this is the first thing to go as planned! Everything I have hoped for never seems to happen but my frosties did! And I am so grateful!
Straw #1: 5AA
Straw #2: 5AA
Straw #3: 5BB
Straw #4: 3AB
Straw #5: 5BA X2
Straw #6: 3BB
Straw #7: 5AA group B 

I think I have been avoiding thing post because I am so afraid... I can;t even think about if this didn't work. And now my bubble has been burst by having a failed IVF cycle ya know? So everything can appear perfect and beautiful and still get a BFN :/ I just can't wrap my brain around it NOT working so I have avoided feeling much to be honest. Just been on autopilot.

Beyond that, when we started looking into IVF, I was afraid of twins. Scared the crap out of me and I have never been the one to want them. I knew I had to work past this if we would be doing IVF. Slowly but surly I started googling and warming myself up tot he idea. Day dreaming all the positives and solving all the imaginary issues that would come up in my head. By the time of transfer I was actually excited at the thought. 50% of me wanted twins! But then when we transferred only one I had to re-frame my thinking. To soften the disappointment, I looked at all the possible issues and all the good things about having only one. And now back to possibility of having twins is back? I feel like I am at square one! I am afraid!! It's been a mind F*&^! I am sure I will get over it. I have 6 weeks to work on my issues! LOL!