There is awlays, always, always something to be thankful for

It's been less than a week since I found out but it feels like a month!
It has been such a long week... First thing is that grandfather-in-law is doing well all things considered. He will have to have a lot of rehab, but I have seen much worse after strokes. I think we are lucky to still have him <3
Sadly though, my sister lost her MIL Friday evening :( Very sad... She loved my youngest and called him her little redhead. He took it really poorly and has been crying on an off. She took my kids on as her grandkids and was very sweet to them. But my heartbreaks for my BIL who is such a sweet man. He's an only child and his father passed 20 years ago. He basically only has my sister and nephew. I am SO thankful he has them. I can't picture his life if things didn't turn out the way they did with them. It's obviously been difficult for my little sister too :( And because she wanted to be at the hospital in the ICU, I had the baby most of last week. It was lots of pumping on her part. Luckily she is a cow (well she makes milk like one) and baby and I know each other pretty well now. I felt like a mama to a newborn again. It's so bittersweet! But honestly he distracts me so much it's amazing. He makes me long to have a baby again but on the other hand I just just having him! I miss nursing tho! He makes my breasts hurt!!
So when I first figured out the FET failed I didn't know how I would survive. But I only had hours to digest it and then went into survival mode. And I do well in survival mode. Really well. No time to think- just GO GO GO. And well, that apparently worked for me. I am still scared as hell about doing another FET, but I don't want to run away or kick puppies.
I have spent my entire adult life working through my issues... Talking it out. Open lines of communication. Facing my demons and processing it all. I have decided though that for IF and TTCMA, denial is best. Run like hell from most of your feelings. Try not to think about the emotional aspects and just move forward somehow, someway. I am sure it's unhealthy as all hell. But it's worked. It worked the last 2 times and I am hoping I can hang on long enough for it to work this time. After I get PG I fall apart and cry about it all at random times, about m/c and feel like a freak because it slams me all at once. But i don't know what else to do or how else to do it.

All in all I am thankful I am alive.